How Does a Balanced Woman Feel?
When I think about someone who’s balanced, I think of a poised woman whose clothes match *gasp!* and who seems calm and “together.” She’s relaxed about her life and isn’t constantly complaining or beating herself up. She’s balanced.
When I picture her going about her day, I picture this woman being kind, not only to those around her, but also to herself.
She doesn’t constantly berate herself, call herself bad names, or feel like a failure. Instead, she goes about her life knowing she’s doing the best she can. If she makes a mistake, she figures a way to solve it
Being balanced (or better balanced) has a lot to do with our emotional state. When we’re constantly frazzled and down on ourselves and our lives, we don’t feel balanced.
How Do We Become Balanced?
One of the most important ways to become balanced is to change the way you talk to yourself.
You may think that this involves improving your self-esteem, but I have a wonderful secret to share with you. To become more balanced, you just need to change that critical voice in your head, not your self-esteem.
This is great news because improving your self-esteem is really hard. (If anyone knows to do this, I’m sure they’d be a zillionaire!) However, changing how you to talk to yourself is much easier.
Anyone can do it, it just takes practice, awareness, and intention.
How much Negative Chatter is in our heads?
According to Psychology Today, about 70% of the chatter in our minds is negative. 70%!!! That’s a lot of negativity. How many of those thoughts are about yourself?
Imagine a life where you don’t beat yourself up? If you make a mistake and instead of rehashing that mistake, you forgive yourself?
The Answer is Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is how to talk to yourself when things are rough. If things go wrong, do you blame yourself and tear yourself to shreds? Or do you talk to yourself the way your best friend would talk to you?
Kristin Neff, the author of the book Self-Compassion, and one of the most well-known writers about the topic, defines one of the core components of self-compassion as Self Kindness. She explains that self-kindness is being gentle and understanding with yourself rather than being critical and judgmental.
Wouldn’t that be a beautiful thing?
The next time you forget to send in your kid’s permission slip or burn dinner, imagine being kind to yourself.
The easiest way to teach yourself to be self-compassionate is to pretend that you’re talking to a best friend.
If your best friend burned dinner, what would you say to her? Start saying those very same things to yourself!
If this is a topic you’d like to explore more, I’d suggest reading the following two books on self-compassion.
- Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff
- The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions by Chris Germer
Here is a link to Dr. Neff’s website, which has a ton of information and helpful guided mediations.
Give it a Try
Next time you feel frustrated, upset, or you feel like beating yourself up, remember to talk to yourself as you would a best friend. I can’t wait to hear about the effect this will have on your life.
Drop me a comment below and let me know. It’s so simple, but it’s so powerful.
You can be the (better) balanced Mom you’ve always dreamed about. Noticing and shifting how you talk to yourself will make all the difference.
If you’d like to read more about how to become better balanced, read The Happy Truth About Work-Life Balance You’ll be Glad to Know.
PIN for later
Raghunathan, R. (2013, October 10). How Negative is Your “Mental Chatter?” Retrieved November 11, 2018, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sapient-nature/201310/how-negative-is-your-mental-chatter