If you’re a Mom who feels too guilty to spend money on yourself, this article will dispel your guilty feelings by showing you how your self-sacrifice actually harms your family.
As a Mom, it’s really hard to spend money on yourself.
Often, there simply isn’t much money left over after buying clothes for the kids, food, mortgage, etc. What little remains you want to save, since soon enough the kids will need new shoes and a winter coat.
If you’re lucky enough to have the money, you may not have the energy. Buying takes time and effort. You have to find the time to go to the store or shop online, try things on, perhaps return them if they don’t fit. Many Moms are simply too exhausted to make the effort.
As a result, years go by and one day we notice that we’re wearing clothes that are stained, torn, faded, and perhaps older than our sweet children.
Feel Good About Yourself
It’s hard to feel good about yourself if you don’t have the basic things you need! Read about why you should wear make-up, even if you’re home alone (there’s also a video in the post). The article explains why it’s so important for you to look nice. When you dress in old, stained clothes, you don’t feel energized and good about yourself.
Self-care isn’t just about going for manicures every year on your birthday. It’s about how you treat yourself every day so you feel nurtured. By not spending money on yourself (even though you spend it on everyone else), you’re sending a message to yourself that you’re not important. Everyone else is more important than you are, and they deserve to have nice clothes while you only deserve the leftovers. Ugh. That is not a pretty thought, is it? It’s a subconscious thought, but as you know since you feel it every day, it’s eroding your self-confidence.
It’s About Self-Worth
When you finally give yourself permission to have the things you need, you start feeling like you’re important. You matter. If everyone else in your family has clothes that fit them and look nice, so should you.
But the Guilt?!
Except in the rare situations of people who genuinely have no money (see next section below), if I had to guess the REAL reason why you don’t buy yourself things you need, it would be because of guilt. As Moms, you give to your kids in so many ways. Most of your energy goes into taking care of them. Your focus is on them, not you. Anything you do for yourself feels wrong. It makes you feel like a bad Mother.
If you feel this way, you’re not alone. Most Moms I know feel this way.
Recently, though, I learned that this way of thinking actually harms our kids. Please forgive me since it was a hard lesson for me to learn. It made me feel like I’d been punched in the stomach. If you can, please listen to this message without judgment.
Our kids notice that we sacrifice for them. They see that we’re buying things THEY want and need while WE go without. When we do this, we’re sending an unspoken message that says “I’m not important, but my kids are.”
When we focus too much on our kids’ needs and not our own, we do them a disservice. We accidentally make them feel entitled.
Kids who grow up without considering the needs of their parents may feel that the world “owes” them something. These kids may not want to work hard, leave their parents home, or behave in responsible ways. They are used to their parents sacrificing and doing everything for them.
When they grow up, it’s often hard for these kids to be a responsible adult since they are used to receiving so much.
This is so sad, right? We think we’re doing the right thing by sacrificing and giving our kids so much, but we’re not helping them or ourselves.
Once you have time to reflect on this, you’ll realize that this is actually good news for you!
You’re Teaching Your Kids Something Important
Taking care of yourself actually lets you raise more responsible, happier kids who understand that other people have needs.
When your kids see you buying yourself clothes and other things you need to feel good about yourself, they see that you’re important, just like they’re important. They don’t get all the resources of the household. Instead, the resources are shared, as they should be.
There’s actually nothing to feel guilty about because when you spend money on yourself, you’re actually doing something beneficial for your children and sending them the right message: everyone in the family is important.
What If You Have No Money to Spend?
There are some families who have absolutely no wiggle-room in their budgets. You can’t buy yourself anything since there is no money for anything that’s a non-necessity. If you are in this situation, until things change, it is very important that you do as much self-care as you can — but in ways that don’t cost money.
You have the added stress of your finances along with the normal stress of life. This is incredibly difficult and challenging. You’d LOVE to buy yourself things you need, but there’s no way that can happen.
If you’re in this situation, please do your best to give yourself as much self-care as you can!!! You need it more than most since you have so much stress on you.
However, I’d love for you to do self-care that’s free!
You can take walks in nature, go to bed at a decent time, enjoy quiet time, etc. There’s a ton you can do for yourself that costs nothing.
When your situation changes and you can afford to buy yourself some things, please especially focus on the parts of this article that talk about guilt. You’ll be even more likely to feel guilty when you eventually have the money since your kids had to go without. That’s hard for parents so you’re more likely to not want to buy yourself things, even when you’re eventually able to do so.
Letting Go of the Guilt
I hope you were able to read this article without self-judgment or guilt. We live in a time when self-sacrifice has become the norm. Let’s work on eradicating this norm from our culture. It’s not good for us and it’s not good for our kids.
Let’s instead show our kids what self-care looks like. Let them see a happy, beautiful Mother who feels good on the inside and the outside. Wouldn’t that be the best way we can parent our sweet children?
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